It seems strange to start writing a blog.
Some of you have experienced some of my writing, although at times in a rather public fashion.
Life has become good, sometimes bordering on great. I am not used to this at all.
Depression is something I have lived with since my teens. I wasn’t even diagnosed until I was twenty. Many people at that time were sure I was using drugs.
My first treatment was seeing a psychologist. I had a thing against medication back then. Ninety-three dollars a visit meant I was definitely going to listen as it was coming out of my pocket. Nine months passed before I felt ‘better’ again.
This also led to quite the adventure, which I have spoken about on youtube a few times (but not on my own channel, check 2.5 Oyajis on youtube and http://www.threeolddudes.com for that).
Back to feeling good. I used to think I felt normal, only to discover several years ago that previously I was still pretty messed up. Once I felt normal, after seeing a psychiatrist and trying many different meds, I thought I was happy but it was just that I wasn’t used to feeling normal since I had never really felt that way. Always a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs never the happy medium.
Then something happened. I realized what qualities I was looking for in a mate. It had never occurred to me before to set a goal with regard to getting a girlfriend. I just dated who I was attracted to. I have many humorous dating stories as a result of this haphazard dating style. I told most of them the first several episodes of the http://www.threeolddudes.com show. December of 2012 I set the goal of meeting this person in the year 2013. I had no idea how we were going to meet, I just knew that the only thing I had to do was be prepared to recognize this person and not scare her off once I was sure that I was dealing with ‘the one’.
That one turned out to be Sara whom I am now married to. Meeting and getting to know Sara brought about several changes in my life, most notably many people that knew me saying how glad they were that I was finally happy.
I didn’t know that I wasn’t happy before. I thought the newly chemically and mentally engineered me was happy already. This, it seems, was what normal people felt like most of the time. Actually happiness was at times overwhelming and challenging to deal with.
I think I can handle it now. I am moving forward and discovering even more happiness. I’ve been told that it continues to get much better. I will have to take that on faith for now, and proceed one step at a time.
I would also like to mention that my friends have contributed greatly to my journey towards happiness. There are so many that I personally consider very special that I didn’t know before I started doing youtube.
I started youtube with the intent to create a positive association outside of work for myself. This didn’t actually take that long, and it all started when I found Mark of the findmeinkurume channel. Mark makes a habit of leaving really nice comments on videos he watches, so I went to these channels to see for myself. One of these channels was goldenstatesaga. Upon subscribing Jerry sent me a welcome letter and asked if I could make a video about my job. I did so within a week. This is the video that Sara randomly found, which led her to me.
I am very grateful for all the positive things that have happened so far, and for all the awesome people I have gotten to know.
This shall be the end of my first ‘introductory’ blog post, mainly because my hand is going numb from the continuous typing. That and I need a nap
Thanks for reading,